Upon Further Review: Bob Mueller Was Not A Bad Witness, Just Bad Sex

Those of us who eagerly anticipated Bob Mueller’s testimony did not enjoy it.  It really could have been great but it left us feeling unsatisfied.  It was like bad sex.  It was mechanical.  It was obligatory.  It was detached and dull.  But despite all of that, bad sex can also be highly consequential.  Bad sex can produce a human life just as surely as great sex can.  Bad sex can cost you a career or a family or your fortune- just like great sex can.  And in this case, the bad sex that was the Robert Mueller congressional testimony could wind up sinking the Trump presidency after all.  The most recent conduct of Donald Trump indicates that he and his lawyers certainly think it could.

Trump's Muslims' call slammed

Whenever Donald Trump has an especially abhorrent period of bizarre behavior it turns out he is freaking out over something that has not yet become a lead story but will soon.  In this case, Trump’s performance at the G-7 was more astonishing than alarming.  It was not alarming because we all know he is mentally unwell.  But it was still astonishing to see him actually arguing with himself over world affairs.  Does he want Russia re-admitted to the G-8 or would he be at war with Russia in the Ukraine over the annexation of Crimea?   How did he skip the climate change session for one-on-one meetings with the leaders of India and Germany when the leaders of India and Germany were AT the climate change session?  Did Trump subject his wife to socializing with North Korean coconut Kim Jon Uhn or did he just “feel like” he did?

This is all crazy but now we understand that inside that cavernous head of his, fire trucks with their alarms blaring were roaring through his thoughts at top speed.  And it was because of something that happened months ago when Robert Mueller testified.  The lasting impact of Mueller’s testimony was to prompt Congress to conduct full investigations into areas that he had been unable to touch.  Rather than argue about why Mueller did not delve into Trump’s personal finances, Congressional Democrats got busy doing exactly that.  In the execution of that investigation they have subpoenaed Deutche Bank for all documents revealing Trump’s finances.  Deutche Bank has fought the subpoenas aggressively but they are losing and that fight is coming to a bitter end.  Trump knows that and he is absolutely terrified about the demons that will be disclosed.


His tax returns are in the records Deutche Bank will have to pony up.  Loan applications will have to be handed over.  Business and personal financial statements will come out too.  Promissory notes, contracts, bank statements, and all the works will be in the hands of Maxine Waters, Elijah Cummings, Adam Schiff and Richie Neal.  So at long last and after all of his b.s. the jig is finally up for Donald Trump.  Many of us suspect that the materials being packed up by Deutche Bank for shipping to Capitol Hill will prove criminality and make impeachment inevitable- notwithstanding the protestations and stall tactics of Nancy Pelosi.  But we do not know that yet.  It is also unlikely that Trump’s base will be moved by whatever comes out.  Those fools are still waiting for Trump’s investigators in Hawaii to find Barack Obama’s “real” birth certificate.  And we have flown way past the “shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue” point that he warned us about during the campaign.  His worshipers and acolytes are not budging.


But regardless of what doesn’t happen when those records hit the street, here is what most certainly will happen: The entire world is going to see how small Trump’s d*ck really is and his greatest fear of all will be realized.  His justification for being the jackass he has been his entire life has always been that he’s become wildly successful and gotten filthy rich by being that way.  And when the world sees that he isn’t even among the richest people in his zip code much less the world, all of that false bravado will be fully exposed.  Yes, Donald Trump is a rich guy but he was a rich guy when he was eating strained peas in a high-chair and learning to go potty.  Being born is no impressive feat.  Even Donald Jr. could pull that one off.


The fact will be exposed beyond any doubt- reasonable or otherwise- that Trump is a total fraud and that even he may finally have to shut the f**k up about how rich he is.  And there still  remains the chance for some very messy legal entanglements to come out of the Deutche Bank documents and he doesn’t want any part of that either.  And all of this came from Mueller’s boring, disappointing, non-emotive, hours-long congressional testimony.  Indeed we may yet discover that it was a case of the bad sex that gave the world a beautiful baby.

∞ π

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