It makes all the sense in the world that it took a woman to find the “G” spot in G.O.P. politics. When Sarah Palin burst onto the scene as John McCain’s running mate in 2008 she turned conservatives the hell out – pundits, politicians and proletariat alike. Once they got a taste of her, they were SPRUNG. They found her delicious and irresistible. Those of us on the outside of conservative politics didn’t get it. Then it kind of drove us crazy. And then it really started to piss us off. And without knowing it, we actually helped her find that “G” spot and hit it good enough to make herself a political celebrity overnight. She got so big she should’ve had Kanye West do a theme song for her.
What we didn’t realize was that it wasn’t just that Sarah Palin – the scrappy high-school point-guard turned momma-grizzly turned small town mayor – was intellectually light in the ass and manifestly unprepared for the job. It wasn’t just that she trafficked in racially coded language. It wasn’t just that she played the “us-against-them” card again and again. None of that brought conservatives the scintillating satisfaction of having their “G” spot discovered by an eager beaver like Sarah. What really got them off was that WE hated her. Our upset became their objective and the ultimate aphrodisiac. The more incensed we were by her foolish comments and irreverent demeanor, the more conservatives writhed in pleasure.
It really didn’t matter what she said. If it offended us, they were down with it like four flat tires. So in a twisted sense, WE are the ones who showed the G.O.P. how to really get off. After Palin exposed that “G” spot, the Republicans could never go back to another Bush. The Bush’s never really did hit it right, despite all the opportunities in the world. They were just too establishment. Too mainstream. Too normal. Sure, Bushes were guys you marry, but after Obama defeated McCain and Romney and ran the White House for eight years, the G.O.P. didn’t want to be married. The G.O.P. wanted to be f*cked.
Enter Donald Trump. Who has never been about anything more than looking for an opportunity to f*ck a hungry and willing partner who is also the object of other men’s desire. There were like fifty guys running for the G.O.P. nomination in 2016 so you know he HAD to throw his hat in that ring. Somebody was going to hang the G.O.P.’s panties around their neck when it was all said and done so why not him? Especially when he, more than any of the others, truly understood what Sarah Palin had revealed. Trump remembered where that “G” spot was and he hit that thing with all his might from the first minute of his campaign. He pissed off the entire world- Democrats and rational Republicans alike by race-baiting and fear-mongering in ONE SENTENCE! The words “Mexican” and “drugs” and “rapists” all showed up in one sentence and conservatives all over America came so hard they passed out.
Democrats were universally outraged so he kept making vile statements. One offensive statement after the next. Racism, sexism, nihilism, ignorance, arrogance, bombast, lies – you name it, he pushed it. As long as it offended us his hold on the G.O.P. got stronger. If you show me a woman who just CAN’T say “no” to a man no matter how revolting the rest of the world may find him, I’ll show you a man who happened to find her “G” spot – and he knows it. When it comes to Trump and the Republican Party, it’s like he surgically attached a vibrator to each of them at just the right place and they haven’t been able to think straight since. They don’t care what he says. They don’t care what he does. It’s all right. They’ll change for HIM rather than ask him to do anything that he doesn’t want to do.
That is the reason why some men who have been life-long Republicans saw what was coming and got the hell on. They did not want to associate themselves with the kind of self-surrender that tends to accompany over-stimulation.
Its a bad look for a man and you should be a man first and a politician second. So big ups to George Will and Joe Scarborough, just to name my personal favorites.
As we head into the mid-terms it will be interesting to see how this dynamic plays out. It’s a little tricky to hit that spot the right way on a more localized level. We’ve seen that unfold in the special elections already with extreme and offensive G.O.P. candidates like Roy Moore getting beaten by rational human beings from the other side. We can take solace in one reality: sooner or later, a “G” spot will lose its potency if it gets worked too hard. It may still function but it won’t be as impactful as before. When that happens, the eager beaver is going to have to find out where the stimulating nerves are most active. That may take some thought, some care, some exploration, some communication and maybe even a little tenderness. Lucky for us, a prick like Donald Trump has none of that to offer. So when this “G” spot wears out and the G.O.P. orgasms die down, so will his power over the party.