ITS TIME TO STOP GRADING MELANIA TRUMP ON THE CURVE (Warning: Strong Language)

My lofty regard for Eugene Robinson is very well known to folks that know me personally and to folks that read me with any regularity.  For my money, he’s the best we’ve got in terms of media pundits who are also bona-fide heavy-weight journalists.  Eugene doesn’t shill for anybody, is fair to everybody, and knows the issues like nobody’s business.  And on top of all that, he’s Maize and Blue through and through like yours truly.  So for all practical purposes, Eugene Robinson is my big brother from another mother.

But because he is who he is to me- and to all thinking people who dig journalism- when he f*cks up it is a big deal.  And today on Morning Joe, he lost track of himself and stunk up the joint royally when he decided to give Melania Trump of all people a little chocolate love just because.  Joe and Mika were doing what they do- excoriating the disastrous Trump administration and then finding some jive ass excuse to let SOMEBODY in Trump’s orbit off the hook.  Today it was Melania’s turn.

I’m used to that Tracey-Hepburn routine from them and I’m cool with it but I choked on my coffee when Eugene chimed in with this commentary from the Twilight Zone:

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“Let me just jump back for a moment and talk about Melania.  I’ve always felt that out of that whole family that she’s got the best grasp of the lives of ordinary people.  I just have that sense about her.  And so I agree that there’s something of a wink in what she was saying and doing and sort of just leaving it out there.  I think she’s, uh, got a lot of common sense.  I think she’s, uh, pretty bright.”

Eugene, with all due respect, what the f*ck are you talking about?  Are you really taking up your precious air time to praise this useless chick for “having common sense” and then concluding that she’s “pretty bright“?  Never-mind the ridiculousness of the speech you were complimenting her for delivering, you know better than to assign attributes to public figures based on nothing more than the delivery of a speech somebody wrote for them and posted on a slow crawling teleprompter.  You’ve been in this thing way too long to be impressed by such a rudimentary skill.   I’d ask what got into you but I really don’t care.  There is NO excuse for lending your credibility to the fairy-tale narrative that Melania Trump is some kind of a double-agent behind enemy lines that understands that her husband is a threat to everything that America used to hold dear.

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Did you forget that this fool was on Joy Behar’s show pushing her asshole husband’s birther conspiracy theory?  And now you are complimenting her grasp on reality and saying she is bright?  Damn it, Eugene we can’t have that bullshit out of you.  If you fall for the okey doke, the rest of us can f*cking forget it and the Washington Post may as well fold up shop.  It may not be fair, but you are our heaviest hitter so you are not allowed to strike out on change-ups down the middle of the plate.  Not until we get through this crisis.  I’m sorry, blood.  That is what it means to be one of the few reliable voices of sanity in this upside down political world we are all trapped in and fighting desperately to get out of.  If you keep talking bullshit like that a lot of people won’t know up from down anymore.

I know that a lot of men in media can’t mask the fact that they’d cut off their left pinkie finger for one night in bed with this woman.  In mixed company we all make jokes about that weird cyborg-stare of hers and the idiotic things that she’s said from time to time but everybody understands that American men have been conditioned to be aroused by her.  That’s why Trump bought her at full price when he is notorious for buying things at a deep discount.  I don’t fault Chris Mathews and’nem for their pulses racing when she’s on screen and their rationale being compromised.

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But I really do expect more out of you because, besides your intellect, black men of exposure and self-awareness learn to see the Melania’s of the world through a lens of skepticism.  Until they prove that they are cool, we keep their asses at a safe distance.  It may not be fair but surviving America can be tricky as hell sometimes- and we both know that.  Look at how crazy everybody went when Quincy Jones revealed that Donald wasn’t the only dirty old man who used to spank Ivanka’s bare bottom when she was young.  You see Q kept that shit to himself until he was circling the drain and has more money than an Arabian Sheik, right?

But since you’re my man, Eugene, I’ve come up with a different explanation.  Based on your proven track record of excellence in journalism I am going to chalk up your embarrassing air-ball-free-throw to professionalism run amok.  Meaning, you realize that the coverage of Trump-Nation is SO negative SO consistently that your professional training and reflexes keep compelling you to look for SOMETHING positive to say just to prove your objectivity.  Not to mention that it breaks the streak and makes the on-air conversation more refreshing.  I am guessing that your inner-editor keeps saying “Wait a minute, ALL the news from this guy CAN’T be negative can it?” It is not your fault that this asshole says or does something scandalous every goddamned day he’s in office so the coverage from any real news network is going to be overwhelmingly negative.   He is, after all, an overwhelmingly negative person and an atrocious president.

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My story is you just fell victim to your own overwhelming desire to be fair, balanced and objective.  Unfortunately, your comments about Melania were complete bullshit.  They were as ridiculous and misguided as her comments when her foreign-born, chain-migration ass sat up there on Headline News and questioned Barack Obama’s place of birth and said his birth certificate wasn’t real.  So f*ck Melania Trump- now and in the hereafter.  Let her get her back massages and foot rubs from Fox News, Eugene.  That’s not your job.  Your job is to save the world- one column and one appearance at a time.  We are counting on you, man.

∞ π

 

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